Colon Cleansing Update

Faithful readers will recall that Mel and I are doing a 3-day colon cleanse (or something) by eating only raw & naked fruits & vegetables and drinking only water. We’ve just about got day #2 wrapped up, and I gotta admit – It’s hard. We’re running out of things to eat and we’re pretty much just sitting around hungry. In fact, I think we’re doing it wrong. Instead of eating a full diet of fruits & veggies, we’re sort of just not eating.

I mean, we’re eating, obviously. But you can only eat so many baby carrots before you’d rather just be hungry instead, know what I mean?
We’ve almost given up a few times, but I don’t think either of us wants to be the first one to give up, so we’re sticking it out. We’ve reached a consensus regarding a few facts, though:
1. Neither of us can give a reasonable explanation for why we’re doing this.
2. Neither of us believe our colons are actually getting any cleaner.
3. We’ve both lost 5+ lbs (yea, we know it’s all coming right back as soon as we stop starving ourselves).
4. We’ve both come to realize how necessary cheese & salad dressing are in transforming a pile of useless vegetables into a meal.
5. We’re both tired of it.
Also, Mel has reminded me that our deal was for roughly 3 days, not necessarily until Saturday morning as I erroneously stated in a previous post. So we’re planning a Friday evening blowout supper (we’ve got 5 lbs to gain back!) So readers, what should we have for dinner (don’t say salad…)?

Klee Irwin, Colon Cleansing, or How I Became a Hippy

Melanie and I have embarked on a new journey together – one in which we have cleaner intestines. I’ve been watching colon cleansing infomercials for a while now – have you seen the one with that sketchy guy with the pony tailKlee Irwin? He totally should have hired someone else to be the face of his product. But then again, maybe it would just be a waste of money to pay someone charming to talk about poop for an hour. Stuff like this has always seemed like a dumb idea to me. But some friends of ours told us they were into cleansing, so we’re giving it a shot.
At any rate, we’re not taking any pills or anything, but Mel and I are going to be eating nothing but uncooked fruits and vegetables until Saturday morning. No salt, no dressings, just raw fruits & veggies. We’re also drinking nothing but water – no drinky* or soda. So if my blogging sounds a little grumpie for the next few days, it’s because I’m hungry and my extraordinary salt cravings are not being satiated.
I’ve already faced my first food trial – I accidentally put some black olives on my salad today. While I was eating, I kept thinking, “OMG OLIVES ARE SOOOOOOOOOO GOOD.” And then I realized it’s because olives are heavily salted – and the vast majority of heavily salted items are very tasty. So I had to pick the rest of the olives out of my undressed salad (a.k.a. unappealing pile of vegetables) to keep the salt away. I ate lunch less than an hour ago and I’m already starving again.
Also, I think I’ve consumed a full gallon of water so far this morning and I’m still thirsty.
But all this to obtain a cleaner colon. And who doesn’t want a cleaner colon, right? Have you ever known anyone in favor of dirtier colons? I have not.
So by the end of this week, Mel and I will either be dead (since salt is a required nutrient and all…) or we’ll be full-fledged hippies w/ cleaner colons. Or at least really hungry. Wish us luck. I’ll let you know how it goes.

*drinky – any koolaid-like beverage – i don’t know where this came from… ask my wife and her sister…