Why aren’t you blogging?

Huzzah!  More questions from the Mailbag!  This one comes from one of my biggest fans.  Today’s question comes from “Baby Liam Wortley,” whose typing skills are apparently far advanced compared to other humans aged one month or less. Here’s his question:

So my mom and I have been up late every night and noticed your lack of blogging this week. Why are you not blogging everyday? Our daily source of entertainment has vanished and I’d like an explanation… My mom is in need of quality reads to get her through my long nights.
Baby Liam

And peace be unto you, too, Liam. I wasn’t quick enough to answer Baby Liam’s question however, so he sent along another one, less than 24 hours later:

Hi Reuben… Did you know now that you have a smart phone, you can respond to the “ask me anything” emails faster, anywhere and on the go? I’d be happy to give a tutorial…

Looking forward to your next post.

Well, Baby Liam, first let me say that I appreciate that you are reading the blog with your mother, which undoubtedly gives the two of you things to talk about while she’s changing your diapers.  I’m glad it is an important source of entertainment that can bring your family closer together.  First, recognize that you are not alone in feeling a little lost without my comforting words.  I receive several emails each week from folks like yourself who count on SingleSpeed to help them get through the day.  It’s my cutting sense of humor, in case you’re wondering.  That’s the secret ingredient.

I don’t write more often for several reasons, but mostly because I’m lazy and have writer’s block, and also because y’all never comment anyway, except for your mother who has started just writing “Like” on every post.  If you’d like me to post more often, I’d be happy to accept website sponsors, which would undoubtedly cure my writer’s block.  Let me know if you’re interested.

It is kind of you to consider that your mom might be missing me during the long nights.  What a considerate young man you are to want to help her.  Really, though, what would help her out more than my blog would be for you to stop being such an attention hog all the time so she can get some sleep.  But I realize that peer pressure can be very strong, and that you really just want to fit in amongst your baby peers, who are apparently obsessed with dirty diapers, crying, and vampires (as I hear many nursing mothers complain about biting – oh, when will this vampire fad end?).  I understand.  I was young once, too.

I can see from your second question, however, that you’re anxious for me to quit typing and just publish this already. While your question is encouraging and helpful, I can read the quiet desperation between the lines.  Yes, I am excited to begin using my smartphone to post!

Ok, Baby Liam, back to your daily grind of sleeping and eating.  Say hello to your parents for me, and ask your mother to tell you about the time your father tried to rock an empty blanket to sleep. It will crack you up.

Ok, any more questions?  Ask Me Anything!!!