How to Meet Non-Sexist Mormon Men

Huzzah! Another new question in the inbox! This one was anonymous. Here’s the question:

Do you have any tips on how to meet a non-sexist Mormon guy?

Hmm… well… Not really. Try the hallways during Sunday School. Or try wearing pants to church and see who still talks to you.

This question comes at a good time. Guess what, readers? Yours truly was accused of being sexist just this week on the internet. Hard to believe, right? I was reading a blog, left a comment, and a woman (whom I don’t know) indicated that I was sexist, and implied that I’m not really capable of recognizing sexism since I’m male, and am therefore the benefactor of sexism. I’ll spare you the details of the situation, but True Story.

Ok, for the record, I’m sure I’ve benefited from societal patriarchy in ways that I’m not aware of.

But here’s why I can’t really answer your question in a way that you’ll be satisfied with: I don’t really agree with the implication that most Mormon men are sexist – or at least more sexist than any other group of men you’ll find out there. Sure, Mormonism is an absolute patriarchy and teaches some strict gender roles, and this is a major issue that the church needs to deal with. But I don’t know that the institutional sexism that exists in the church necessarily means that most Mormon men are sexist, and especially not when compared with other groups of men.

Or maybe that’s just the patriarchy talking. Better try the pants thing.

What do you think, readers? What advice do you have for someone who is trying to find non-sexist men, either inside or outside of Mormonism?

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5 comments to How to Meet Non-Sexist Mormon Men

  • I’ve been mormon my entire life and can’t recall ever meeting a sexist mormon man (sexist mormon women… yes!). I’m sure they’re out there, probably in the older generation, age range 60s and above. However, as you said, I don’t think that they are any more sexist than men in general in that age range.

    I don’t really have any tips for finding a non-sexist mormon man. I guess I would first need the question answered: What qualifies as being “sexist?” What may seem sexist to one is perfectly normal behavior to someone else. If I knew what the person meant by “sexist,” I could give a better indication at how to find a mormon man who is not.

    Lastly, I am shocked Reuben that YOU would be called sexist. I met you 8+ years ago. In our 8+ years of interactions, YOU would be the last person I would call sexist. I’m now curious as to what your comment was.

  • marla

    i think there are a lot of sexist men, but not all in one place. they are spread out like a disease. :)

    i’ve run into a few in the “Mormon church” but i can’t stay they hold stock in it. they definitely don’t ENCOURAGE that type of behavior. almost every priesthood session includes talks about being humble, making decisions as husband and wife, and being better human beings (which does not include being sexist).

    i have found – and this might offend some – that the guys who are sexist most likely grew up in utah where their mothers did everything for them and where it’s cool to be master of the house. it bugs me. i realize not every guy in utah is sexist.

    as far as you being sexist, that makes me laugh out loud. no way. you give people the benefit of the doubt, and when people disagree in your comments section, you respond magnanimously instead of attacking them. and you don’t seem to differentiate between men and women on your blog.

    i’m with sarah, what’s the comment?

  • Jo

    I met lots and lots and LOTS of sexist guys at BYU. Young guys, old guys, pretty much across the board. I did find a few who weren’t though, and they (mostly) ended up not being super “churchy.” So my advice would be to look for the guys sitting in the back during sacrament meeting. Or, like Reuben said, the ones wandering the halls during sunday school. Or the ones who just skip church altogether at least once in a while. Or the ones hanging out at the duck pond looking like they’re up to no good. Those are the keepers.

  • I’ve definitely met sexist Mormons, but I’ve met plenty of sexist Non-Mormons as well. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that sexism to some degree is rampant throughout most American culture, and I’m not sure you’ll ever find someone, male or female, who isn’t a bit sexist.

  • LR

    In mainstream American culture, you have to behave according to your gender so people will love you.

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