An Evening of Babysitting

I’m spending the evening at home babysitting a little one-year-old.  She’s pretty adorable, and I was actually pretty excited about it when my wife informed me earlier today that I would be on babysitting duty.  I don’t have a lot of any experience with kids, so I was also a little nervous that I’d ruin her entire life, too. It didn’t occur to me, though, that she’d be asleep the whole time.

I was a little bummed out when I realized I wasn’t gonna get any face time with the kid.  Her mom took her straight upstairs and put her to sleep and that was the end of it.  I should have guessed, though.  There’s no way they’d leave me alone with a kid if there was actually a chance I could mess something up.

As her mom and my wife were leaving the house for the evening, I was given very strict instructions to ignore the kid if I hear her crying.  I was told she wouldn’t be hungry, wouldn’t need changing, and short of the house burining down, I should just completely ignore her. (I also joked that if the house did catch on fire, I’d quickly toss the kid out the window.  I thought that was pretty funny, but her mom didn’t.  Come on, she’d land in like two feet of snow!  She’d be fine!)

Well after they left, I decided to try a little bit of hands-on parenting.  I went straight to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of diet sodas – one for me, one for the kid, and I started upstairs to wake her up and get her all hopped up on caffeine and candy for the evening.  I started wishing I had some of those little half-size cans of soda.  A whole can, I thought, could wind up with a diaper needing to be changed.  Half-sized cans of soda, I thought, would be perfect for one-year-olds.

Well it was right about that time I got a text message from the kid’s father.

Don’t mess her up. I’ll mess you up.

So I changed my plan a little bit, and just decided to let the kid sleep while I went downstairs to blog about my hands-off parenting style.  Turns out, years of playing drums and listening to loud music has left me a little hard of hearing.  She might be upstairs crying her head off right now for all I know.

So let me get this straight… All you do with a baby is set it in a playpen thing and ignore it?  Doesn’t sound too hard.  I think I can handle this.

8 comments to An Evening of Babysitting

  • Hahah…this is a great post. From the sounds of it, you have parenting down pat.

  • That is our impression on how it is done. We are on the look out for one of these:

    http://www.life.com/image/3136964/in-gallery/25371#index/5

    We'll get you guys one too when we find a distributor.

  • Kat

    For the record, I did think your joke about throwing her out the window was funny. Sorry if I didn't express it when you made the joke. If you are really interested in more face time while baby sitting, it can be arranged:)

    Thanks again.

  • @Kalie – that's pretty funny. I want one of those, too.

    @kat – it's ok about the joke. I'm sure my delivery was poor. For the record, I've taken some literary freedoms here… I didn't actually get halfway upstairs with diet sodas – we're all out of soda right now (had I not been dutifully babysitting, I probably would have been at the store buying sodas). The text threatening to "mess me up", though, is 100% genuine.

  • Liz

    Like! Especially the part about Mark texting you šŸ™‚ gladvto hear your night of babysitting worked out well.

  • thanks for making me smile.

  • Sarah

    LOL LOL! I can't wait to read what your actual, real-life perspective of parenting is when Kung Pao arrives!

  • Missed this post when you wrote it… but I chortled when I read it. If you'd like some face-time with an irrational, miniature human being sometime before KP arrives, let me know. You'd be trying to keep this one out of the fridge rather than sharing with her.

    Although, I do like the half-can idea… I'm currently trying to keep her little bladder as full as possible since we're potty training her. I figure that if practice and repetition make perfect, my contribution will be making her need to pee A LOT.