How to make Cute Babies

Mel and I were lucky enough to spend this past weekend at a cabin in northern MN with a group of friends and some of their young kids.  Naturally, since Mel is all hormonal because of the pregnancy and I’m scared shitless, we spent a good deal of time staring wide-eyed at our friends kids, which ranged in age from a couple weeks to almost 2 years.

I kept asking stupid questions like “Why do babies cry when they’re too tired?  Why don’t they just sleep since they’re all swaddled cozily in bed and stuff, and don’t have anything else to do?”

I’ll tell you what:  Babies…. I do not think they are too smart.  Still, despite their lack of basic language skills, they’re pretty cute.

Anyway, since Mel and I are looking forward to having a little girl, we naturally found ourselves eying the two girls under the age of 2 and asking questions like, “I wonder if our little girl will be anything like these little girls?”

And it was right about that time that we began to realize something.  The bar for baby-girl-cuteness has been set pretty high around these parts.  … like really high.

“Look at these two girls,” I said.  “They’re adorable.”

“Yea,” Mel replied.  “They really are.”

“Are you worried about this?” I asked.

“Worried,” she said.  “Why would I be worried?”

“We can’t compete with this level of cuteness,” I said.

“Oh, yea. You’re right.  There’s a serious gene pool going on here and we’re not exactly a part of it,” she said. “I can contribute chubby cheeks, but that’s about all I’ve got.”

“Yea,” I said. “I think you’re doing your half, but there’s no way that anything that looks 50% like me is going to be this cute.  Factor in that half her personality and mannerisms will be stuff she learned from me, and she’s doomed.”

“Right,” Mel said.  “…unless people start to think it’s cute to watch a baby sit on the couch in their underwear and burp all day.”

Yikes.  I don’t like the sound of that.

Still, we had a great weekend with some friends, and we had a great time getting to know their kids.  In fact, I kind of liked them, and I think they kind of liked me too.  At least one of them did, anyway.  Mostly because I kept slipping her animal crackers when her parents weren’t looking.

Also, my beard makes kids cry.  Instantly.

14 comments to How to make Cute Babies

  • @Joey – Let's hope you're right.

  • Don't worry, it's possible she'll look nothing like you. We have to try very, very hard to find any resemblance of me in my daughter. She's 100% her mom.

  • Anonymous

    But your beard will not make your kids cry. Big difference.

  • Your beard makes children cry? Random children always run up to Art in restaurants and stare at him, awestruck. He thinks it's because his beard makes him look like a "young Santa."

  • Kat

    1st, I'm sure your baby will be super cute.

    2nd, if anyone can sit around in underwear and burp all day and make it look cute, it's a baby.

    3rd, there is no doubt that coming from you two that your baby will have lots of personality, which is really what makes babies cute anyway, right?:)

  • Don't worry about it too much.
    1) You'll think your kids are cute and you'll probably convince yourself that everyone else thinks they are cute too.

    2)Jo and I had decently cute babies, so you can too (see my first point).

    3)Growing up there was a family I knew where the parents weren't exactly very good looking, at all; however, their children were gorgeous. You and Melaine are much better looking than these two parents, your kids will be fine.

  • @Emily – you're right… some kids do just sort of stare at me…

    @Kat – I'm going to make our daughter wear silly hats all the time, so that should help. Maybe Julia can teach our daughter the art of spitting up.

    @Liz – sorry about the deceiving title. The bottom line is that the trick to having a cute baby is to make sure I'm not one of the parents. For most people, this is pretty easy.

    @Alex – Thanks! You're giving me such hope!

  • I agree with Alex. You'll be fine.

    Also, if your daughter starts out with seeing a beard, she'll be used to it and it won't be scary. Evan has a beard right now and most kids just want to tug on it.

    When is Mel due anyway? Is it for sure a girl or are you just hoping for a girl? We need some more details here.

  • @Sassy Sarah – 1. May 25, 2. Yes, it's a girl.

  • Liz

    Hey! Your title to this post was very deceiving … talk about total bait and switch. Just kidding ๐Ÿ™‚

    I second Kat's comments. Your sweet baby girl will be SO CUTE! Can't wait to meet her in a few months :). I hope you train her to burp well … I expect belches at 3 months old.

  • Yikes! When did SingleSpeed turn into a baby blog? Even though you are worried about having a mutant baby, once it's born, you are probably going to start blogging about how your baby is the cutest baby ever born. And about how adorable it is to see your baby burp. And probably about how cute her blow-outs are. I can't wait.

  • Haha, yep single speed is going to be the new hit on my mommy blogging list!! …and now I know why miss G keeps asking for animal crackers…. hm….

  • Liz

    haha! I agree with Melanie and Becky! I've never heard of a Mormon daddy blogger, but you may be on to something Reuben by starting your own species of blog in the blogosphere. I think you should name it something like "Belches and Blowouts " :). Now that I would most definitely read. Do it!

  • Liz

    Scratch that! Take a cue from your fashion blogs that post a daily fashion/outfit, and you could post a daily baby disaster with pictures. Now that could be entertaining, especially with your commentary ๐Ÿ™‚