If you weren’t Mormon…

Regular readers will recall that I am trying to collect all of the PostSecrets with an obvious Mormon theme or reference. Today’s batch of PostSecrets included another one. I’ve archived the photo, but I won’t display the image directly here on SingleSpeed because it would likely offend some of my LDS readers.

The image shows a man and a woman wearing LDS temple garments, an article of clothing most Mormons consider too sacred to photograph – especially if that photograph is taken specifically to ridicule the practice of wearing garments (as is the case with this image). The image is probably the most widely distributed photograph of LDS temple garments (a google image search for the term “LDS garments” will return this same image a half-dozen time).

The caption on the PostSecret image reads, “If you weren’t Mormon… we would have gotten married.”

Click here to see the PostSecret image.

You can see all the LDS PostSecrets I’ve collected here.

11 thoughts on “If you weren’t Mormon…”

  1. What the post-secret poster is saying is not offensive but it is stupid. Whatever manifestation the poster selected as “objectionable Mormonism” could only be but a small part of the religion’s influence on the individual. The poster might as well have said, “we would have gotten married if you were a totally different person.”

    Blaming religion is a total cop-out. What the poster would say if they thought about it is this: “Your religion presented too many challenges for me in this relationship and I was unwilling to deal with the consequences. I blamed your religion because it was easier than the effort it would take to make it work. I was unwilling and inflexible and thinking it was someone else’s problem helps me sleep at night. I am the problem here and I have no one to blame but me.”

  2. I do have a question about the post-secrets posts. Do the posters select the background on which their posts appear? Should the images be attributed to the poster or another source?

  3. @Fraggle – I agree. I expect you have correctly summed up the situation. As to your question, yes, whomever submits the secret also selects the background images. Every aspect of the presentation comes from the submitter. However, in this case, it is surely the case that the submitter is not the original source of the photo. They probably just google image searched for the image. I can't say much about what copyright laws may apply…

  4. Re background images.

    I was just wondering if the content of the images informed the posters view of their secret. That appears to be the case.

  5. Reuben, do you really think Fraggle correctly summed up the situation? A summary yes. The correct one? We don't know that.

    It's arrogance to ascribe our own pious indignation to their motives. Only the submitter of the post secret knows their own motives and the whole of the situation with the subject of.

  6. @Ren – you're right, we don't know anything about the specifics of this relationship. We can only guess. Still, my best guess is that Fraggle has correctly summed up the situation.

    Also, this doesn't have anything to do with Mormonism, necessarily. The secret could have referred to any religion and I would still agree with Fraggle.

    I think Fraggle's second paragraph in his first comment is tripping us up because it's only presenting half of the dialogue. I agree with most of what Fraggle has written, and I'd add that I also agree with the same sentiment presented hypothetically from the point of view of the Mormon in this situation:

    “Your [lack of] religion presented too many challenges for me in this relationship and I was unwilling to deal with the consequences. I blamed your [lack of] religion because it was easier than the effort it would take to make it work. I was unwilling and inflexible and thinking it was someone else’s problem helps me sleep at night.”

  7. What makes me curious about this secret is why someone who has obvious hang-ups about Mormonism (or any other religion, if you ask me) would get romantically involved with someone who's religion plays an important role in their life. I mean, what were the motives for beginning a relationship that this person had pretty much predetermined to fail? It seems awfully and unnecessarily cruel to the dumpee, if you ask me.

  8. I submitted that PostSecret. I fell in love with someone and wanted to get married, only to be told that it wasn’t possible because the person’s family wouldn’t allow it because I’m not Mormon. I was heartbroken, but not angry-the PostSecret was just a statement of fact.
    @Fraggle- Thank you for your idiotic and unnecessarily mean-spirited presuppositions.
    @Reuben- Thank you for your levelheadedness.
    @Ren- Thank you and you were right.

  9. @Genericusername –
    Cool. Thanks for commenting here!

    Maybe you can provide us with a little more info to help us understand the circumstances? Specifically, WHO told you that it wasn’t possible to get married?

    It sounds like Fraggle and I assumed that YOU had broken it off because YOU couldn’t deal with his/her Mormonism, which apparently wasn’t the case. It sounds like you were fine with him/her being Mormon.

    So then who was it that told you it wasn’t possible to get married? If it was the person you were dating that broke it off because you weren’t Mormon, then isn’t Fraggle at least a little bit correct? Mormonism obviously plays a substantial role in his/her life. It sounds like you’re wishing that substantial part of this person just didn’t exist.

  10. Being a “Mormon” is really a big part of who a person is… and really marriages aren’t “ARRANGED” in the Mormon church, so clearly if this guy wanted to marry you, he would have!! He doesn’t need his parents permission, he can marry anyone he wants in or out of the church. So that was HIS choice and HIS alone. Really maybe he didn’t want to hurt your feelings and tell you that HE didn’t want to marry you and blamed his parents/family. I have many Mormon friends that chose to marry someone that wasn’t Mormon. Personally I think marriage is easier when you have the same basic beliefs. But that is a option in the church. Sorry it hurt you so much you felt the need to send a POST SECRET. But I don’t think that you blaming his “Mormonism” is right… it sounds like you just weren’t the ONE for him. I am sure you can find someone that you are more compatible with.

  11. Good to hear that the submitter came forth! (:
    First person experience lead me to this post actually. My family had absolutely nothing to do with it. I met a man and very quickly fell in love. Within 24 hours of meeting we had already said “I love you.” Sounds crazy but love just is. I know this is not everyone’s perspective but in my mind dating can be casual and fun, and not always be a witch hunt for a fiance. When we started dating I thought he had the same perspective, that we would not be serious. I couldn’t see him as the type who would want to settle down anyway. But within a month or two he began insisting we get married. It was then he learned I’m LDS. I told him I wouldn’t get married outside the temple. Also that I wasn’t in a place where I wanted to get married and wouldn’t be for years, and I refused to consider. But he insisted it would work out. By that he meant he thought he would be the one to change my mind. A rocky road down trying that path and we’re no longer together. It’s taken me a lot of different times to realize if someone really cares about my feelings or really insists they want to be in my life they won’t try to change me or my standards. “They have to respect that this is my choice. If there’s no respect, that means they don’t want me.” (Adriana Lima said that.)

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