A Visit to the Doctors Office

Remember when I told y’all about how I was performing self-surgery on myself?  Well, it’s still been going on all this time.  I finally got around to going to the doctor today to give a professional a shot.  Mostly because starting January 1st I’ll be on the high-deductible health insurance plan (which as near as I can tell, will be functionally identical to not having insurance at all…).  So it was time to go to the doctor.

This guy, though, was a real comedian.

After he numbed half my mouth he said, “Hey, wanna hear a doctor joke?”

“OK,” I thought.  I tried to say it as well, but half my mouth was numb, so I’m not exactly sure what I said.

“So a man and a woman meet in a bar,” he said.  “They start flirting with each other, and they’re really hitting it off.  They discover that they’re both doctors, so they have a lot in common. They end up going back to the woman’s apartment, where they sleep together. He ends up staying the night at her apartment.”

“Is this really an appropriate joke for a doctor to be telling a patient?” I think.  I wasn’t going to stop him though, mostly because there were at least 6 fingers and a knife inside my half-numb mouth.  It wasn’t really a speaking opportunity.

“In the morning,” he continues, “after they wake up, the woman goes straight in to the bathroom and begins washing her hands.  She just keeps washing and washing and washing.  She washes her hands for a full 10 minutes before coming back into the bedroom.  ‘I know what kind of doctor you are,’ he said.  ‘You’re a surgeon.  Only a surgeon would wash their hands for 10 minutes like that.’  ‘You’re right,’ she said.  ‘I know what kind of doctor you are too.  You must be an anesthesiologist, because last night I didn’t feel a thing.'”


I really wanted to laugh after that punch line. Not so much because the joke was funny, but more because the doctor thought that was an appropriate thing to say while cutting part of my face off.

After the surgery was over, he dangled the pea-sized part of me that he had just cut off in front of my face for me to admire.

While he did this, his female assistant said,”Jeez, that’s hot.”

“Yes?” said the doctor.

“The light.  It’s a real heat lamp,” she said, motioning towards a small spotlight they’d used during the surgery.

“Oh, I thought you meant the doctor!” he said.


Anyway, in case you’re wondering, the surgery went well, although I still can’t laugh or else I’ll rip the stitches out.  Or eat.

7 comments to A Visit to the Doctors Office

  • Andrew Guzman

    We recently moved to a high deductible plan and let me tell you – it's great!

    I don't even go to the doctor anymore (out of fear that I will never be able to afford it). It's saving not only my company but me personally a lot of money. Big win all around.


  • In case y'all are wondering what exactly was being done to me, this video is pretty much spot on for what happened to me today, minus the jokester doctor…

  • @Andrew – yea – everybody wins. On a normal plan, I avoid going to doctors because I don't want to have to argue with an insurance company about what they'll pay for. With the high deductible plan, we can all just agree that they aren't paying for anything.

  • Ren

    So you've had this thing on your lip for the last 6 months? I've had a canker sore for 3 days and it's driving me nuts.

  • @Ren – well it doesn't always look like that. You skewer it and it drains and goes away for a week or so. Then it comes back so you skewer it again. Repeat that for several months until you go to a doctor and he cuts it out in 5 minutes flat.

  • We have a ridiculously high deductible as well. $5,000 Individual with Out of Pocket Max of $10,000 for individual and $20,000 for family. Luckily, though, our company does reimburse a considerable amount. Our out-of-pocket, after the first $500 is now $1000 … it was $2000 last year. Our copays are through the roof too, so if we have to go to Urgent Care or a specialist, they'll also reimburse everything after the first $30. But it doesn't get reimbursed until pay-day. What is really weird though, is we USED to have maternity deductible of $5,000 … now it's something goofy like "short-term disability", I have no idea what the cost is this time. Boss-man said "we'll cross that bridge when someone has a baby". Ha!

  • Do you at least get the option of an HSA? Those high deductible plans are such a joke.