Haircut Day

Ugh.  It’s Haircut Day again.  I dread Haircut Day.  I went to SuperGreat-Cuts – a departure from my usual habit of just letting my wife cut my hair.

It’s a marriage-saving strategy.  I know I’ll end up resenting my stylist by the end of the haircutting experience and I’d rather have it be the 21-year-old, tattooed girl at Hair*Mart than my wife.  It’s not that they’re bad stylists.  Not at all.  In fact, I have always had stylists who were superbly qualified.  I just hate it when they do exactly what I ask them to.

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“How would you like it, today?” she asks as she wraps tissue paper around my neck.

I look at her haircut – dyed black with chunks of red coming off the sides.

“I want what you’ve got,” I think to myself.  Haircut Day always reminds me that I’m living an over-the-hill boring professional lifestyle, and my haircut is Exhibit A in the evidence file.

“Just a plain old normal haircut,” I sigh as a small part of my soul dies.

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I’m noticeably stand-offish as we stand around the cash register waiting for the $14 charge to my credit card to be approved.  I don’t smile.  I don’t tell her it looks good.  I know it’s rude – and I know it probably makes the stylist feel like I think she did a poor job.  This isn’t the case at all, of course.  But thanking her would feel a lot like shaking the Banker’s hand and thanking him for being so professional as he forecloses on my home.

“Your haircut looks great” I hear from across the room.  I look up to see that it came from another one of the stylists – the one with sweeping blue bangs.  The girl with red, spiky hair agrees, nodding approvingly.

“They must be required to say that whenever they think a customer is unhappy with their haircut,” I think.

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Anyone else out there wish their profession allowed a little more freedom to express personal style (or in my case, more freedom to comfortably embrace a total lack of style)?

7 comments to Haircut Day

  • bf

    Hi, Reuben!

    Look on the bright side: you have hair to cut. I have lost most of mine over the years, starting quite early I might add.

    Now, I receive a discount on my haircut because it takes all of about four minutes. They call it a 'crownless' cut. I still do not know if the name makes it better or worse…

  • marla

    ha ha HA!!! i laughed so hard at the 'soul dying' part. classic.
    i think it's such a ripoff to get haircuts anyway — it should be five dollars. esp. for guys. i have a friend who goes to the really swanky salon so he gets a massage and a glass of wine and gets to watch sports on tv during his hair cut. 🙂

  • bf – You're right. I should count my blessings. And "crownless?" I've never heard that before.

  • @marla – how does he keep the hair clippings from falling into his glass of wine??? I hope they use a very swanky sippy cup.

    Also, anyone out there remember all the controversy when Bikini Cuts opened in Utah a few years back? (it's a haircut shop where all the stylists wear bikinis – and I think there's some massaging going on while you get your hair cut as well…)

  • I laughed at the "soul dying" part too.

    btw – you're the reason my wife decided not to cut hair for a living after going to school for it.

  • @InspectorReuben – please give my apologies to your wife. I'm sorry I derailed her career and/or ruined her life.

  • The damage has already been done (sniffle sniffle).