My TV Makes Me Feel Stupid

Mel and I bought a new tv one year ago. Since then, we’ve been totally perplexed by why we haven’t gotten any HD programming with our $13 basic cable subscription from The-Provider-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. We knew that all the networks were broadcasting HD channels and that we ought to be getting them… but we couldn’t figure out why we couldn’t find them.
Friends would tell us things like “They’re on sub-channels. You gotta punch in 9-1 to find them.” Tried it. Nothing.
Actually, neither of us really cared enough to put any real time or effort into figuring it out. So we’ve been watching non-HD tv for the past year. Then I read somewhere that sometimes you have to auto-scan the channels to find the HD channels. Yep. That was it.
I don’t know why punching in 9-1 gave us nothing before scanning, but after scanning, punching in 9-1 finds the HD channel… it’s HD voodoo or something.
Right now all you tech nerds are laughing at me saying things like, “OMG! This guy doesn’t even know that you have to scan the channels!” Screw you, tech nerds. Go watch Battlestar Galactica and leave me alone.

4 comments to My TV Makes Me Feel Stupid

  • My wife and daughter are both tech-incompetent. I'm working in Oregon and they had no TV at home because something went weird and all they needed to do was rescan the channels. I even tried to talk them through it over the phone and they couldn't figure it out. So, you and Mel are NOT alone.

  • Ruben computer, hdmi, cable, good internet. I have 10,500 channels free on my laptop link it to your tv and ya no comcast. That is how i roll

  • Marla

    ha ha ha
    i can't stop laughing about the battlestar galactica insult at the end.
    understanding tvs is overrated.

  • Mike, good to know I'm not alone.

    Curtis, what on earth are you going to do with 10,500 channels?

    Marla, seriously… totally overrated. It's totally non-intuitive that you need to "scan" a channel before you can watch it instead of just punching in the channel number like we've done on every tv for the past 50 years. Honestly, how is that a technological improvement? 50 years of tv's didn't require scanning, but the new ones do. GREAT. Big improvement, nerds.

    To continue my rant, I can hardly imagine the conversations that took place during manufacturing.

    Nerd: "Let's set the default on this fancy new TV so that it doesn't automatically find the HD channels. We'll make it smart enough to auto-scan, but we won't tell the new owners that they need to auto-scan. We'll make the low quality channels come up automatically, but not the HD ones. We'll make them specifically search for them – you know, in case some of our customers would rather watch the low quality channels instead."

    Marketing Guy: "HMMM, OK, I think we should spend an extra 10 cents per TV to put a yellow sticker on the front that says something like, 'FYI, if you want to watch HD, you should run autoscan'"

    Nerd: "Yea right! Everybody knows you need to autoscan! How are you possibly going to watch TV if you don't autoscan?"

    Marketing Guy: "But all the tv's our customers have ever owned in the past have never required autoscanning, how will they know to do it?"

    Nerd: "OMG – you're dumber than all our customers. OBVIOUSLY the php SQL flux capacitor 8000 requi…. OH WAIT THE BATTERIES IN MY CALCULATOR ARE DEAD. I GOTTA END THIS MEETING NOW."