Reuben’s Guide to Marathon Training

A lot of people have been asking me about my training course for the upcoming marathon in October. I’ve been a little hesitant to give out any details because I’m still waiting to hear back from a few publishers I’ve contacted about possibly writing a book about my marathon training tips. I can’t wait any longer, however. I’m just going to lay it all out. Here is Reuben’s Guide to Marathon Training:

1. Sign up for a marathon hoping that it will make you feel financially and socially accountable, which will encourage you to train more.
2. Realize that this doesn’t work.
3. Battle with depression and self-image issues.
4. Overcompensate for lack of regular training by pushing too hard during sporatic exercise sessions.
5. Decide that the old rule “stretch before you exercise” is for sissies.
6. Pull a groin muscle, which will render you unable to train for at least 3 weeks.
7. Continue battle with depression and self-image issues.
8. Give up, go to Old Navy, and buy bigger pants.

7 comments to Reuben’s Guide to Marathon Training

  • Bahahah. Excellent training schedule. I especially like the "stretching is for sissies" part. I thought about that last night as we got done hiking and I was trying to make myself do a little stretching. But stretching is for sissies… and now I groan every time I try to stand up… 😀

  • Looks about like my guide to getting back into shape, eating better and losing weight. Maybe, we should co-write that book.

  • Andrew Guzman

    Your book sounds like it would be a good cry.

  • Cal

    Ha! I just started training for a 5k (I've never run in my life…could barely finish the mile in grade school gym class) but I haven't actually picked out which 5k I'm going to do. People seem to think I'm crazy but as you pointed out, just because you sign up doesn't mean you'll actually run it! Ha 🙂

  • Kaeti

    Yep, that sounds about right. Replace groin muscle with a calf sprain and add 20 pints of ice cream and a few bottles of wine, and that was my marathon training.

  • Yes, folks, fun times all around. Thanks for the comments.

    Cal, good luck on that 5k.

  • As my friend Marty puts it, anyone can train and run a marathon. I dig your more ambitious approach.