Depression Can be Debilitationg

I’ve done pretty much nothing today. I woke up around 8:00 and went to campus for a conference call at 9:00. The call ended around 10:00, and I’ve done absolutely nothing useful for the past 10.5 hours. NOTHING. I rode my bike to the grocery store to get some groceries, consumed 2 meals, listened to about 35 podcasts, ….and that’s about it. I didn’t make any progress on any of the homework I should have been doing, or even go jogging. I have NOTHING to show for my entire day.

I get like this sometimes…… a feeling that I have tons to do, but just can’t seem to get started on any of it. Or some mornings i wake up and just think, “wow, i really don’t care about going to school today…i’m staying in bed.” It’s hard to get motivated to do things you just don’t care about. This semester, I am completely bored by most of my classes and have little motivation to do anything associated with it. Regional Economic Analysis?? nope… don’t care. Capstone Project? nope… don’t care. Designing Planning and Participation Processes? nope… REALLY don’t care. So sometimes I just get depressed and can’t get myself to do anything.

But I think it goes deeper. It’s easy to say, “I don’t care about x, y, or z,” …like it’s y’s fault I don’t care bout it. But what does it mean when I say that about EVERYTHING in my life? What I’m really saying when I don’t get out of bed some morning is, “I don’t care about MYSELF today.”

Somehow, I’ve got to make time for the the things I really DO care about among the things that consume my time and make sure they are at the top of my priority list. Maybe then I’ll start to care about whether I wake up again.

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